Why me?

2009

She sat naked,
in the bath..
Cold,numbed toes,
water filling in,like blood,
bubbles,she dripping with lather.
And stood He,watching,
smiling,Her father.

Another end,
another friend,
five tequilas and a beer,
he came back home..
feeling queer..
watched a crowd gather.
His mother,making little sobs,
stood,watching the lad,
on the floor,lay dead,
His dad.

She came,
crept into the room,
eyes downcast,
head hung in shame.
The tears came no more,
they did,when it began.
she saw,her mother,
in bed,with another man.

A little beggar girl,
with another in her womb.
walked the street,
tapping on my car window,
I look at her,to meet her gaze.
Thinking,He has His ways,
My thoughts,her vision,
rubs off my screen,
and I move my eyes off her raped being,
as the light goes green.

The same night I lay awake in bed,
role playing people I know,
and i learn it hurts to be them,
and not me,feeling low.

A week later,
and a night more,
I sat in a corner,
crying on the floor.
Asking Him,if He exists.
"why me",I think,.

And then,those people,in they crawl,
making me feel so small.
and i wonder what it's like to be them,
and i thought,i had a problem.

Barrels of pity

11/11/09

They sat around a fire,
on a moonless winter night.
Talking of wrongs I've done,
'cause what they do is right.

I see,behind the fire,their faces shift,
so does my mind.
And I cogitate upon my life,
and all I've left behind.

"Your father is a self made man",
said one of the wise.
My mind tripped again,
as I watched the flames rise.

The only thing that's self made in me,
is something I regret.
That my idea of a perfect life is,
a life that's so imperfect.

Then spoke she,who hadn't yet,
said I'm full of pity for myself.
My life is how I've made it,
and it's only me who can help.

Life is ups and downs they say,
I guessed I'm blind to the ups.
'Cause indeed I have barrels of pity,
but to pour,no cups.

I lay in bed the rest of the night,
brooding over the words they say.
Then walked in He,my father,
asking,what kept me awake?

I hurriedly wiped off my eyes,
before he put on the light.
scavenging my mind for lies,
but saying what was right.

"I have barrels of pity,Dad,
but no cups to pour."
He laughed but looked sad,
knowing there was a lot more.
Life is ups and downs,he said,
I guess you're blind to the ups..
You don't pour your barrels of pity,
'cause already full are your cups.

 

 

The Woman

10/16/2008


Wow, you were

such a woman,

last night,

When I'd held

your hands tight

You did'nt say a no

oh why, were you

such a woman,

last night.



The 'fancy dressed' you

So abstract, and so ready to dance

you smelled of lavender

and percolated

somewhere deep in me

Oh mystery, n vice versa

you in me...

to move out

of inhibitions

and be human

would be so

difficult,

I hadn't known before.


Oh why, were you

such a woman,

last night,

the touch of grace

and your embrace

That i felt lust

and yet no disgrace


I didnt touch u first,

you touched me first

held my hand, and led it

places, we went.




A wax being

The cupid's jinx

The blacks gave way

The tanks were sway

It was cosy

deep in your shirt

my hands realized your warmth

softness abound,

and grabbing your soul

laying hands in there,

or violently rubbing

your satin silk skin.


I held you so tight

and yet, u were so light

all the time

oh why, were u

such a woman,

last night.



Me, a moron

that i got sweating

and got tongue tied

your, horndog

oh, it was crazy

how your feet felt

the chill of ice

and the heat of life



You sedated

and so was I

messed up, yeah right.

oh why, were u

such a woman,

last night.



Forthcoming,

was the scent

which you held

amidst your legs

...desires unfolding

evidenced, the emanation of

the scents you were holding

It smelt so nice

oh why, were you,

such a woman,the last night.



The clasp of your arms

was tighter than ever

and the pointed nails

dug deep in me

aah, pain

sweet misery, and you and me...


Why did you let loose, your hair so well

and why did you look so bright

how did you strip so well

oh why, were you

such a woman, last night



With stories untold

and fears unknown

you progressed me in the sin

and brought my hands

on your splendid torso

to feel, the luxuria and its kin

so bald, as the devil's head

so high, as the evil's self

I gave a good fight, but alas

lost,... why were you

such a

woman, last night.


To clasp your twins,

and see you burst

with giggles

to grab them, and find you

full of lust.

To let the fingers

run through your neck

and see the tintillations

and your desires afleck

aah, arousals and demises

of carelessness and its prices

that i bore, the last night

why, on this earth

were you, such a

woman, last night.



Leading me into all temptations

by not baring it all

letting me glimpse

and awaiting

but not giving it in, in all

how proud

how silly

making me the

ever surrendered knight

oh why, were you

such a woman, last night.



It was you alone

doing and taking

making and giving

I was a mere spectator

at your behest, a slave

to get me stone

and make me pierce

get you joys

to the deepest of cores

your touch was so intense

your kisses exotic

the choicest of deeds

and most, So erotic

you made me a man

last night, like never before

you got done so bad

and you still wanted more?

yes you were, indeed

such a woman, last night.



Tired as we were

mistress and her slave

unending desires

ever spending energies

aah, you died me once

resurrected twice

I belong to you

especially after

the last night

the best thing you did

was to sleep on my arm

you slept so well, and you slept so tight

seduced I am....

and secluded still

that the sins you did

elevated my spirits

and the wrath of heavens

was shielded by pleasures

you were so game

I am so lame

that i am still

thinking of you,

still, even after the

heavenly, sinful,

night

when u were

such a woman...



Seduced i am....

and secluded still

seduced i am....

and secluded still.

Strangers

10/30/2008

I open my eyes to morbid existence,

Staring, into the afternoon sun.

I look around for my bag of reasons,

To find it has none.

Yet, the day seems to pull me out,

Of my silver shell,

And I walk into the world,

Gone cold as hell.

I walk upon a couple of strangers,

And I follow them for miles.

Following close, as I'd heard,

Contagious are smiles.

My mind breaks out,

And runs about.

Into another world of mine.

I begin to laugh,

I begin to shout,

And the world begins to shine.

In a while, I look around,

to find the strangers gone.

And I stare at my smiling face,

As the night carved out dawn.

I go back to my shell,

Happier than ever,

Everything seems well,

Like it had never.

And I was drifting into the arms of sleep,

The two strangers beside me did creep,

Smiling still, I asked for a name.

They turned around,

Made no sound,

And fell into my arms.

Then I heard them say,

What made them stay,

Was the smile I gave..

Leaving seemed impossible to be,

Cause the strangers were pieces of me

I love Rock and Poll

"ABVP get lost, get lost, get lost"- kinda distracted me from shomu's lecture i was totally paying attention to (i swear). This year's campaign was something else all together. For one, there weren't any ugly random faces stuck on every wall and rickshaw of our beloved university. There were no printed hoardings and posters with miracles of photoshop trying to steal every vote from the uni.
Yes, the no strict manifesto policy this year. Though i wonder if it saved them any money from all the alcohol they give away. Also the effort of all the canditate's pimps who stood at the college gate, metro stations, canteens, giving out handwritten pieces of papeer saying- Ballot number la la, vote for la la. Thousands and thousands of handwritten notes saying the same thing carpetted college and i made a mental trip on how much time and patience it took these fellas to do all of that. Mind you, in great handwriting.

Honestly, do i care about ABVP or NSUI. They're the salman and shahrukh of the election scene. I've heard what SFI and AISA had to say, i mean they're all driven and shit. Nonetheless they only come across as the sad khadi wearing, bhagat singh followers getting no where. Of course they had the funniest campaigning speeches where this 'dabangg' woman said 'saathiyon' after every 4 words. And so many random dummy candidates trying to fill in with the whole attendance condition this time. They stood there, all scandalized and nervous with a class full of 'kirorians' staring at them, like Arjuna, trying to look all focused at the eye of the bird and shit. But, there is always a Lord Krishna with them- without fail, the intelligent looking one who does all the talking, beating, eating, but didnt eat his way into attendance. He makes a small speech about the same thing i've heard for three years- girls hostel, bus routes, fee hike.. la la la, ah! and a new addition this time- the commonwealth hostel accomodation crisis of this year. Seemed like the hail mary of all the speeches. Yes, so where were we. Shomu's class- where all that came to mind was "i wish they waste more time".
They came and went.

In another ten minutes, i hear "NSUI ka bol bala, ABVP ka muh kala". And i swear they made it sound like anus-u-i. More random people, wasting more time. I sat doodling with my pen on a 'vote for ballot number 5', handwritten of course- and it suddenly made me miss last year's campaign when they gave out cool little notepads and pens which made life so much easier for i-dont-carry-a-bag-to-college people like myself.

Election day-
I wake up a wee bit earlier than usual and walk to college proudly on a carpet of colored chits of paper saying stuff that no one remembers. I am greeted at the gate by buff, very tall, intimidating men i havent seen ever- surrounding me from all sides, like leeches saying something of which i could only fathom words like- "madam, ABVP, ballot, hello ji".
I see many aquaintances scattered in spots discussing the misery of the having to present an ID for voting, which none of us kirorians care to get made. A random party pimp helps me to get mine made, at the promise of me voting for them. Many don't care enough to even go through THAT.
I go into the poll room.
I press buttons, here and there. I vote for the party i had decided upon long before the campaign even started. I wont name the party, of course.
I come out, pick up a random smooth looking chit- reads-"vote support and elect _____"
I tear it in half. Reads- "vote support ele"
i make a roach out of it, roll some pot. It stares back at me from the transparent sheet of rolling paper i cloathed it in. Reads- 'vot".
Yes, 'vot'.. what?
I smoke it. I go back home.
ABVP won.